and miles to go before I sleep

I will be reading this tomorrow, when it's not appreciating the middle of the night and I can appreciate it better, but you can rest assured I could not be looking forward to it more. Take that, tomorrow. Just try and suck now.

i've been staring at this comment box for like, five minutes, and i've started to type in a comment three times. i honestly can't figure out what to say here, except thank you for writing this. i kind of think it's the fic i've been waiting for, right down to the fact that you used my absolutely favorite photograph associated with any of the kids in these bands to inspire you.

i literally had tears in my eyes for most of the last section. you managed to capture that feeling of utterly crystal clarity that comes with the shock of grief before the feeling hits, the way that everything is sharp around the edges, but you can't manage to function beyond the next step so damn well, and yes. i just.

yeah. thank you. this was beautiful.


<3

I don't really care for/about the real Ryan Ross, but some fictional representations of him get to me hard, and this fic is possibly the best example of that. Your write his awkwardness and discomfort and obsessive overthinking beautifully, and in a way that makes him a very compelling and engaging character. I really liked the fact that there wasn't a way for this to end happily for all, but that they did their best anyway. And your Spencer makes me fall in love with him a little. *g*

Also, Ryan Ross, made for hurt/comfort, y/y? ;)

I don't even know what to say about this fic. I read it with my hands curled up and my breathing hushed and it absolutely made me cry. I probably shouldn't admit that publically, but you got Ryan, you got Spencer, you got them and the band, and I can't even tell you how lovely and layered - and jagged and real this is. I've been wanting long long Ryan/Spencer fic to get lost in for so long, and this dynamic is so gorgeously done - I can't even tell you how much I love this fic. It goes up to eleven. As I got near the middle of the final part, I kept scrolling up or switching tabs and making myself look away for a little while so it wouldn't be over. ♥ &hears; ♥

Dude, this fucking wrecked me. 100000% awesome.

This is the greatest thing in the history of FOREVER, and I love you indecently for writing it. SO FUCKING GOOD. Oh my god. You win everything.

I have been WAITING for the end of this, and it's just... Oh man. Your Ryan is complex and bittersweet and awfully real. Thanks for letting me see it early. :)

harriet_vane

You did not tell me the fic of wretched Ryan/Spencer would include heartbroken Brendon. DDDDDDD:, but I really like it.

Breeeeeeennnndon. D:

Great fic. I love Ryan/Spencer. Ryan was pretty wretched. Most excellent.

-ficsoreal

Dude! I loved this. Oddly I think I liked Ryan's stunned reaction to his father's death the best--it just felt very real. And Spencer telling Ryan that Ryan never lets him be nice broke my heart. (I'm dying to know what'll happen with Brendon, though!)

--sweetvalleyslut

So, my heart is just aching right now for Ryan, but in the best possible way. I kept having to look up and kind of shake myself back into reality as I was reading because I had become so absorbed in Ryan's experience. I wanted to shake both Ryan and Spencer several times during the story, but I also understood and related to them, because that's how it happens in real life. Friends drift apart even when they both need each other with intensity for reasons they don't talk about. I'm glad we get to know that these two come back together. I assume the events in your story explain why Ryan has been happier over the past couple of years, even though we don't quite get there. ;-)

And finally...Ryan has typically been the one I'm the least drawn to. And I'm indifferent to or put off by Ryan/Brendon enough that I've not read enough Ryan stories to really become intrigued by him. But the Ryan you've written here is fascinating and lovable to me, and I didn't want to let him go when the story ended.

Anyway. Sorry for the novel. ;-) Thank you for writing a great story.

you captured ryan so well in this. every little bit is just perfect.

-overloved@livejournal

I really, really loved this.

My mind is totally blown by this. I loved everything--the characterization, the pacing, the complexity of the interactions. This is the best kind of fiction, to my mind. The kind that's hyperreal, all the colours super-saturated, complexities present but everything accounted for. I adore your Ryan and every poky bone and insecurity and fear and desire. I loved him deciding to let Spencer go--like we so often do, pretending we can just draw a line under a time in our lives--only to find he can't. Won't be that person. I adore Spencer. God, so YOUNG. So not young at all.

I could go on forever, I really could, listing word after sentence after comma.

RYAN GETTING DRUNK, MY GOD. </3 I'm just. Thank you. Thank you for writing this, for letting us see this. I'm honoured. -miznarrator

*strangled sob*

I can't do proper comments right now, um, I'm going to write something coherent up in a rec list in a bit, so look for non "oh my god Brendon WHY?? RYANNNNNNN! SPENCER!!!!!" later.

*curls into a sad ball of amazement*

This story left me speechless. I read it all in one sitting and you've completely worn me out and wrung me out. Spencer is just so perfect in this. You've captured all his traits and magnified them through Ryan's imagination.

Really, really well written. Thank you for sharing it.


I totally knew what the penguins meant before Spencer did. *g*

So, I've stayed up well, WELL past my bedtime to finish reading this because I COULD NOT stop. This is definitely in the top three Ryan Ross fics in this fandom, and your view on him is so beautiful and complete and driving that I literally have no words to adequately talk about it.

There are a bajillion amazing things about this fic, to the way you draw Spencer and Ryan's friendship so that by the time Ryan realizes that things ARE a foregone conclusion, standing there in Spencer's shirt that the audience/reader knows that as well, and yet you manage to sum it up in those lines without ever narrating/preaching to us, to the way there is violent, hurtful conflict here and you're still able to push past it, the way that sometimes, friends have to do. But the most amazing thing is that I have a HUGE HUGE partner betrayal squick. I mean, HUGE. And yet, I can work with Spencer cheating in this fic, because yes, it IS a foregone conclusion and in some ways, I think even Brendon knows that.

That said, I am left with sadness for Brendon at the end of this fic, but I'm quite sure I'm MEANT to be and it's the power of that that just leaves me in awe of your writing.

That, and I fucking cried when Spencer said what Pete had told him about the penguins. Literally, I cried.

This is an unbelievable, amazing piece of work, and I'm mindblown. Utterly.

I can't even begin to tell you completely captivated I was reading this and how glad I am that I did. Gaaah. *clutches heart*


(shleemeri on LJ)

I cried all the way through the third part.

I can believe in this Ryan. That nasty when he's cornered, that reflexively mean for fun when it's just him and Spencer.

I've been waiting for someone to write Ryan's dad like this for I don't even know how long: not brutal, just a soggy mess. And still trying to connect with his son, sporadically, too late.

I was nearly on the edge of my seat, bracing myself for Ryan to do the noble thing. I really believed you were going to end it that way, and you didn't, and it's wonderful. Although poor Brendon.

Ok, ok, SO. I almost never read Spencer/Ryan, but this was recced so much that how could I not? And y'know what? I absolutely loved it. And even more impressively, you wrote a Ryan that I actually really, really enjoyed reading.

Really, the characterization was perfect all around. I loved your Spencer. I really liked that Jon wasn't immediately some perfect fit who made everything better - it was more complicated than that. And it was fantastic how much you included the people beyond Panic. Because obviously touring involves a lot of people, but those outside the band often get skimmed over in fic, if mentioned at all. Your inclusion felt natural and so very right, because it made everything much fuller, and the world more realistic.

Oh, and the bit with Brendon in the hallway? You won my heart forever and ever. Because YES. He's silly and over the top, but he also has been through a lot, and is capable of being a mature, serious adult. The two aren't mutually exclusive, and they're both, I feel, very important parts of him. So thank you for that. And thank you for this fic, because it's amazing. ♥

As much as I love all the boys and their stupid faces, stories like this are the reason I am in bandom. You did such an amazing job with Ryan, and it was gut-wrenching and beautiful.

This was really, seriously beautiful. I loved Ryan, I loved that he was fucked up but not as much as he could be. I loved him and Spencer (so much) and him and Brendon and him and Jon and him and his own head.

<333333333333333

This fic is just stunning. Sometimes I am wary of Ryan/Spencer, not because the idea isn't intriguing, but because childhood bff relationships being sexualized often reads as incestuous to me. This, though, God. This just reads as completely inevitable. Your Ryan voice is amazing. He's my favorite, but I think he can be hard to write. I am completely in love with him here. He's fucked up and he's mean sometimes and he's damaged and he's trying to let go, but he can't. Yes. I loved the depth and attention you gave to his friendships with Brendon and Jon too. All of these relationships were real and the whole thing was angsty and aching. And OH GOD, BRENDON. But Ryan and Spencer, they just. They can't not. So, so good.

I am WAILING. Oh my God.

Gorgeous, gorgeous writing.

This is beautiful. It's too late for eloquent feedback, but I wanted to tell you how much I loved this. Ryan got me at the end with "My dad is dead." Tears are flowing, thank you very much. ♥

Hey shiny thing! So I finally, after far too long, got myself around to reading this. And of cause I am kicking myself for not having done so earlier, because as usual you have blown me away. So beautiful and so painful and so perfect. You're made of magic, stele, and I love it.